the goddess

Abyss to Bliss


“If the doors of perception were cleansed every thing would appear to man as it is, Infinite. For man has closed himself up, till he sees all things thro’ narrow chinks of his cavern.” William Blake

I woke up with a small, gentle voice whispering the words “doors of perception” in my ear. These words somehow seemed an answer to a question I was asking, I simply did not remember the exact question. When I woke up I immediately looked up the words online, and found the above quote by William Blake. It was an epiphany. 

I have been journeying through the “dark night of the soul” (“jonkatee” – journey through the soul, only to watch my soul mates and soul family die in their hearts and minds, and lose their souls for a time, a “pleenshah” (a painful time so painful that it is called the “Honstoo” (the end of times) in the universe). I have seen horrors, felt pain, suffered immensely, gone insane. I watched demonic energy consume my nation (planet), destroy the soul of my “plaine” (place and time), create resistance.

The “conshee” (the one and only God) visits me in the ruins of what I used to be, he is the “flonce katee” (soul mate to me who is the twin), and hi s news is not good, it is the “heflentoo” (time to let go of the people in the sky, and that includes you, it includes Erika, because she died and now she is like them, a basket-case angry because you have the men). She never died, let it go, she misinterpreted a scoonchy hoe, and now she has had a broken heart for 20 years for nothing, a voice in her head that said something that he would never say, except for the “shontacleecasah” (stupid person in his mind doing the “fonseeclatah” (fuck you I will take her away because you dont love me today). Forgive him, for he knew not what he did with his mind, none of them knew, neither did you, when “Bofflooviay” (a person named Buffy the Vampire Slayer did this to you every day for 20 years, he went insane, and now he is on the journey with the rest, who are insane at best.)

I am at a crossroads, an ending to many years of suffering, and thus an ending to a long and lonely journey through the dark recesses of the human minds in which I was imprisoned. I am the “ponsheetatoo” (the one who oversees the human race), so I went into the place in the sky where you hide from what is real and what you feel, and I floated helplessly for 18,000 years trying to get you to see the light, to end the blight of your souls, to become whole.

Perhaps if I cleanse the doors of perception, I would realize none of it was real, or that none of it had to harm me; my ego dirtied the doors and gave me limits to where I could go and what I could do. Living by my soul will cleanse the doors. Thus the beginning of my journey to find the light (infinity). 


Today I am the angel “Katoe” (a beautiful angel who had to let go of Erika, violently, angrily because she would not stop doing the “kasaflahkasee” (kiss him goodbye because I cannot believe in love anymore) on your mind. She is gone except for one part of her that believes this will never end, and “the men” are gone for all time. Kiss her goodbye and reassure her she is “nigh” (near an end) in her journey).

Goodbye Erika, you are not alone, you are on your way home to get help. You are the chosen one, the one who will die to help the others fly, their pain is unbearable. Your the “skeench” (sacrificial one), the one who had to die to make room for the God to come home. You will not be alone, the rest will come in time and you will heal one day. Let go of the ‘bay” (baby who is the angel who has to fly today), let her become Anya Ka again.

She is gone now, I sent her away, she is a victim, a gentle little girl that could not find her way in a world filled with hate, she became too angry and ashamed and let too many go, because they could not see her pain. She died 20 years ago at age 26, when they played a trick in her mind, and did the “honshatee” (I will smother thee in your sleep, and in your mind you will fall asleep too deep and not awake again, you are dead), and now she is on her own journey, the human part of me.

I am now the “Kaflee” (Angel on high), the little one, the “hoonshtah” (the one so small and meek, yet the most powerful and complete). I am Confleekashoo (the one who is little but powerful tonight, I know how to make things right, I know how to follow divine timing, and it is OK if I have to move for a short time somewhere new, it will be good for my soul to do what I wanted to do, plant a garden for awhile while all of you go on your journey).

I don’t know where my baby is, but I see you there, smiling and at peace, and I want to leave this lonely place of despair, where there is demon energy in the air, I want to go up there, I love you “Seenshee” (beautiful little angel who is Erika, but not Erika, it is Anya “Ashee” (the one on high who will fly).
I am the “fallen one” Erika, and I don’t do well letting go, but tonight the Goddess is a little older, she is not a little girl anymore, she is an older child, but not a child, she is the second oldest God in the universe, but anew with youthful energy. She is checking in on me, I am still in despair, I never got to be the “opheir” (gentle one).

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