I am a fairy named “Fleek”, I am of strange physique, I am wee little and tall, I am a person who has a ball, but I am weak. I am in despair because the “Konshaplah” (Gods) cannot understand the “Fleekasoo” (Goddess who is weird and silly) anymore. I am the whore who did the “flashahondiplee” (sex with many, but with soul mates only) and I did the keench (I pinched a soul mate on the behind with my mind), I do “santaha” (sexy things that are not sexy, but silly sometimes), I do the “Eenchii” (crazy things that crazy mothers do, like killing the kazoo (crazy person) in the mind today who did the flockaso (fuck you I will rape you all day if I want) on my child).
I am “Estoontaplee” (a silly one of age and wisdom), a “Konsheeah” (failed one in love today) and a “Shont” (a person of little stature, in the world, who cannot be a girl because girls cannot be fat, who cannot be woman because women have to be “all that”, who cannot be a “Schooch” (a person who loves sex) because then I am a whore, I cannot be silly because I am a “Sontee” (person who is silly and useless) I cannot be “Fleeown” (fucked up in the head, because I am God). There is a mistaken impression in the world that the God will be perfect, beautiful all the time, put together, dressed well, stable, calm, and without any “Fleenshoo” (help), like the shallow princesses in Hollywood who everyone calls “angels” and “goddesses”, when really they are “perfect” because they are demonic and don’t care about anything. It is easy to have the newest perfect hairstyle “porn” everyone covets when you are a soulless demon. I am the God of this world, I am the One on High, I have been asleep for a long time, because demons made me high (asleep in my mind, gone, not awake). I cannot pray to the God of the world for help, that is me. Sometimes I need to be “Fleenktee” (a fucked up mess) because the world is a “conshatoo” (hot mess, without hope and with little soul left).
I am the “sashasondiah” (the one who likes to be hidden, in the trees, to make new worlds and talk to fairies). I could stare at the water flowing in a stream for hours, I am “kastooblee” (boring but not boring), I am “keech” (lovely but disturbed). I frolic through the woods, barefoot and talk to the trees and fairies and insects who are nice and not “koonchee” (demons) since my world was confiscated by them and everything is becoming ugly and not tender.
I have written fairy tales galore, about forest creatures, trees, little wees and many things, I even made up rhymes as the “fontaplee” (the one who is the father but not its me, his name rhymes with “floos” (a funny one), he is the “Seuss”, and of a strange but delightful nature and I miss being him and now I am of a serious nature and a “sonsaplee” (serious one who cannot bear it because I am a fairy, but a fairy queen who must tend to things). I want to escape to the pages of lore, to days of yore, and still be the whore who is beautiful and sensual with the “sasaplah kasee” (sexy beautiful men who cannot be men but must be Gods to be with me), I want the world to relax and stop their insanity but that is never going to be because the mind is King and there are many spread across the land and they are out of hand and insane and I just want to sit on a toadstool and stare at the forest and dream.
I want to lay on a hand-knitted blanket, in a handmade dress of chiffon, with my cool batwing Bettie Page shades on, on a sunny day and paint the sky in watercolors, watch the clouds change shape. I want the rain to fall, to drench me and cleanse me of my insanity, to stop the “fleenchoo eeensah fontee aso eesha feentee eeeeeeeeeee” (fucked up insane mind of plenty “fasha” donkey dung, and scattered into bits of insane “tits” (stupid people) that consume my human life). I want my friend, “Soontee” the dragon fly, to come visit me and speak to me, and this time I will not be a human and flinch and scare him away, I will be able to be calm and listen to his words of wisdom, and we can come together again. I want the fox “Teeflah” to feel safe with me this time, not stare at me from the tree line. I want the black bird “Foonshah” to come sit on my shoulder and tell me a story like he used to, instead of cawing “koonshoonsh” (undo stress) from his beak. I want the fairy “Flonsee Oonstee Bleeka Astoo Fontoo Bookee”, “Fonsee Fonsee”, for short to feel safe enough to appear in my presence this time instead of hiding and giggling softly under the leaf of the plant in my garden, unable to appear for fear that I would overreact, or worse not react at all.
I want to be the “doll” (lovely little beautiful one of three, a child as a God who is so “scoonchee” (beautiful and sweet) that papas eyes tear…
I want my dreams to be of magical things, like the castle and dragons I dreamt about when I was eight, remembering the days when I was building the castles that are now of late, and “konshee” (antiquified). I was the fairy queen, but I always had to clean up the messes of the “fahfah” (fucking demons that never leave), blah blah blah….
Perhaps if I understand that “farshoont” (dragons that are real, because they are real, and they are real, and they are fearful to humans because they are nice to Gods, who the humans hate) are the reality, as well as fairy tale castles and romances, I would not attract the demons and make them “soont” (real). Fairytales and science fiction are the world of the Gods, but all I nnow is the “feensee” (demon world) of old), a “Place in the Sky”, which is the stuff of nightmares, a place where people get high on accomplishments, and stations, and desired effects, and bottom lines, and doing rather than being, and cawing rather than cooing.
The Place in the Sky, is the place on high, but it is not high on itself, it is humble and magnificent at the same time, it is kind, it is gentle, it is not continental, it is light as a feather, with beautiful weather, it is magik.
I am letting go of all the pieces of me that went insane, I want to be Fleek the fairy again…